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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26401189">Burning Blossoms in my Lungs</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/twistedtexas/pseuds/twistedtexas'>twistedtexas</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fairy Tail</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Hanahaki Disease, Not Canon Compliant, Oblivious natsu, lucy might be ooc sorry, natsu is lucy's home, no beta we die like men, then again when isnt he oblivious</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:07:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,879</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26401189</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/twistedtexas/pseuds/twistedtexas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It started the moment he took her hand.</p>
<p>or:<br/>Lucy loves Natsu so much, he feels like home - yet it doesn't even register until she's dying because of him, flower petals filling her lungs.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Natsu Dragneel/Lucy Heartfilia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi all! I recently discovered the Hanahaki disease trope, and now I feel like I want to write about a million fics with this as the plot line. I think I devoured as many fics with Hanahaki as I could get for like a day straight when I found it!</p>
<p>Also, this is my first Fairy Tail fic, so please be gentle! I love &amp; appreciate all feedback so please feel free to comment.</p>
<p>Flowers have specific meanings in this fic, and any flowers mentioned in a specific chapter will be posted in the chapter notes along with their meanings!</p>
<p>Rated M for the depictions of Hanahaki and descriptions of what happens during the illness.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It started the moment he took her hand.</p><p>Realistically, of course, Lucy knew it didn’t have that kind of meaning to him. But for her, it became her world.</p><p>She could still recall the day like it had just happened, each moment seared into her brain with such an intensity it was hard to describe. She felt breathless just thinking about it. The way he took her hand, the warmth she’d felt being led here, being led <em> home.</em></p><p>Salamander - <em> Natsu, </em> she’d learned with his toothy grin - had taken her hand in his and invited her to Fairy Tail. Lucy had felt the nerves claw at the inside of her throat like cats trying to climb their way out, and he just stood there, beaming brighter than the fire magic he used. He’d taken her hand again, then, just before the door to Fairy Tail. He held it between both of his and grinned, and grinned, and <em> grinned </em> - a silent, positive affirmation of his belief in her abilities, though they’d only just met - and it punched right through all the walls she’d built around herself.</p><p>Her heart was full to bursting, and all she could do was smile back.</p><p>He’d kicked through the door, announced loudly “I’m home!”, and promptly started a brawl in the middle of the guild floor. With his announcement, Lucy, too, felt like she had come home. And if she thought her heart couldn’t take any more before, now it felt like her heart had taken the place of her lungs, beating out of her chest with excitement and keeping her from breathing. Even as the Fairy Tail members brawled around her, she still couldn’t quite believe it.</p><p><em> Amazing</em>, she’d said, her lungs finally finding their place in her rib cage again, <em> I really did make it to Fairy Tail. </em></p><p>And yet she couldn’t stop feeling the warmth on her hands.</p><p>Even as the days went by - Rescuing Macao, the infiltration of Everlue Mansion, the fight against the members of Eisenwald - the warmth in her hands had yet to fade. And, though she’d never admit it, she didn’t want it to. It was a firm reminder - of <em> here, </em> of <em> home</em>, of her place in the world. It reminded her he believed in her that day. It reminded her of that grin, that blinding, unwavering toothy grin. It reminded her of <em> Natsu</em>.</p><p>In the days before going to Galuna Island, she realized something that made her head spin. Fairy Tail, while it had become a part of her, wasn’t what made her feel like she was home.</p><p><em> Natsu did</em>. <em> He made her feel safe, made her feel at home. </em></p><p>And if her hands felt warmer after realizing it, well, then that fact was hers and hers alone.</p>
<hr/><p>When Natsu had invited her to go with them to Galuna Island, she refused, and it hurt. She felt her chest tighten and she couldn’t breathe, which seemed to be a more commonplace occurrence around Natsu these days, and as the door to her apartment shut behind him, her whole body seized and she coughed and hacked and her lungs scrambled for purchase, for air, it felt like <em> burning and death and oh god it hurts - </em></p><p>And then another cough, and it felt so much better, <em> relief, oh thank god it doesn’t burn any more </em>- and it felt like something had dislodged, flying from her mouth. Lucy looked down, a single purple lilac petal drifting to fall atop the S-Class request that had been left on her floor. She picked it up, feeling the soft petal between her fingers and her eyes boring into the request paper.</p><p>If anybody asked her why she decided to join Natsu and Happy on their trip to Galuna Island later, she would say it was the offer of a Gate Key she couldn’t refuse.</p><p>She didn’t know what the petal was. Maybe she’d choked on it, the petal having drifted through the window. She didn’t know, but she tucked it into the folds of the novels she wrote and immediately ran after Natsu. It felt right, being by his side.</p><p>It felt like she was going home and on a new adventure at the same time.</p>
<hr/><p>Watching Grey go through what he did on Galuna Island tore Lucy apart with worry and sympathy. She was reminded of her own mother. It hurt to watch. She wished she could do something, anything, so she fought by his side the best she knew how. He was her friend, now, too.</p><p>But still, her hands didn’t feel like they did with Natsu. With Grey, she supposed they might feel just slightly cold to the touch, like the feeling you get when wanting to rub your hands together in the winter. Instead, even while eaten up with worry for her friend, her hands still felt warm.</p><p>Lucy found herself staring at her Guild mark nearly every night. It was the hand Natsu had taken her by, and it meant so much to her. Sometimes, the warmth was so strong she swore she could feel the mark burning. On those occasions, she pressed her hand to her cheek and let the warmth lull her to sleep.</p><p>Sometimes, the warmth was the only way Lucy knew how to get by. It consumed her thoughts, kept her going when she felt like she couldn’t take it any more, reminding her of Natsu’s unwavering grin - that solemn vow of belief.</p><p>The night that Jude Heartfilia wrote a letter to the guild of Phantom Lord, Lucy’s Guild mark unconsciously burned hotter than she’d ever felt. She gently laid it on her forehead and stared at her ceiling, hoping sleep would come soon.</p><p>It couldn’t. It wouldn’t.</p><p>So, she’d shown up unannounced, in the middle of the night, at Natsu and Happy’s house in the middle of the forest. They’d told her where it was, but she’d never found a reason to go there before. Now, she hoped not being able to sleep was a good enough excuse for showing up like this. She knocked on the door softly, and after hearing some shuffling inside, Natsu opened the door. He was in a pair of pajama pants and his scarf with no shirt, and she made a pointed effort not to stare. He looked so… relaxed, at home. Her heart ached and her lungs burned, wishing he would look like that every time she was at his side.</p><p>“Huh? Lucy, what’s up?” He’d yawned loudly. She fiddled with the hem of her shirt, embarrassed now that insomnia and a burning Guild mark dragged her all the way out here in the middle of the night.</p><p>“I… can’t sleep.” was all she got out. Natsu only shrugged and opened the door wider, letting her in. He flopped back down on his couch… bed? … and immediately shut his eyes, though he made no indication of trying to get back to sleep. Happy was asleep on the other end, curled up in a ball and looking very much like an everyday cat.</p><p>She looked around the small cottage, noticing that it was messy and definitely felt like his and Happy’s house. There was one clean spot in the whole place, which was a wall of memorabilia - everything the team had done together. Her eyes latched on to a lacy maid’s uniform on a mannequin. She recognised it, the one she’d worn to the Everlue mansion. Then, tacked onto the wall beside it, was a paper request and a small note that read ‘The quest I performed with Lucy for the first time!!’</p><p>Looking at the things he’d kept, she felt like she couldn’t breathe again.</p><p>“Why can’t you sleep?” He asked, voice laden with exhaustion. Lucy sat on the floor next to the couch, her head resting on the edge by his shoulder. She raised her hand to the couch, gently resting her soft, pink Guild mark against the blazing red one on his arm. Her whole hand felt like it was on fire, but she didn’t mind.</p><p>“I don’t know.” she replied simply. Then, softly, to herself, “I guess… I just felt homesick.”</p><p>“Well, whatever it is, stay as long as you want. D’ya want me to stay up with you?” he asked, his own voice soft, now. It was such a kindhearted, small gesture that warmed her to her bones. She smiled, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.</p><p>“No, I feel... much more... sleepy here. Can I just… stay here for the night?” She asked, voice just barely cracking. Her lungs felt like burning, and her inability to breathe got worse, and she felt something rise in her throat, but she tried to pay it no mind.</p><p>“Sure, whatever floats your boat.” Natsu grinned back, and Lucy felt like she was going to be torn apart from the inside out.</p><p>She bent over, coughing, hacking, desperately fighting down the urge to vomit all over Natsu’s rug. She covered her mouth with her hands, and coughed and coughed and coughed. Natsu sat up, immediately worried for her, placing a gentle hand on her back. He rubbed circles over her shoulder blades until she felt that familiar relief, something dislodging. In her hands were several tiny, miniscule white buds of Queen Anne’s Lace.</p><p>“Hey, hey, are you okay, Luce?” Natsu was awake as hell now, voice thick with concern for his friend. She clenched her hands into fists, keeping him from seeing the flowers as she smiled.</p><p>“I’m just fine! Just a cough. Probably why I couldn’t sleep.” She said, still unsure what to think of the flowers, and Natsu only sighed. He patted the couch beside him that had opened up when he sat up, a silent invitation for her to join. She stood, turning for just a second to stuff the flowers in her pajama shirt pocket before accepting. She sat next to Natsu, and he pulled her closer to him, inviting her to rest on his shoulder. He unwrapped his scarf halfway, wrapping it back around Lucy’s neck.</p><p>“Go ahead and sleep.” he said, like it was a matter of fact that she’d be able to sleep so long as she was there, against his shoulder and wrapped in his scarf.</p><p>Lucy didn’t argue.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Flowers featured in this chapter:</p><p>Lilac, meaning "First Love"<br/>Queen Anne's Lace, meaning "haven, sanctuary" (in Lucy's context, interpreted to mean 'home'.)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Blood</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Phantom Lord took her, all she could think about when she awoke was how <em> cold </em> she was. Everything ached, everything felt wrong, everything was torn away from her. She wasn’t home. She had no idea where she was. She could barely remember being trapped in water as she came home with groceries in her arms, but the rest was so foggy it hurt.</p><p>When Jose Porla of Phantom Lord tells Lucy about why she was taken, it feels like a rock is dropped into her stomach. She won’t go back to her father. She can’t, because she already has a home, and it’s not with him. He never made one for her, but Natsu did.</p><p>She knew he was coming. He always did. No matter what, Natsu was always there for his friends. Her hands burned, the only warm part of her, and she knew he would be there eventually.</p><p>Lucy, bound by Magic-preventing shackles, was powerless - all she could do was wait, and it hurt. She imagined what Natsu’s face would look like when he found out about her being gone, and her lungs felt like they were on fire. She couldn’t stand the thought of her weakness, her being kidnapped, <em> her problems </em> causing Fairy Tail - and, by extension, Natsu - so much pain and suffering. She felt the burning slither up her throat.</p><p>“I-” she coughed, trying to get the words out. Despite how selfish it was, she knew what she wanted. “I won’t go back! I’ll never go back!”</p><p>“It doesn’t matter what you want. Fairy Tail and all of its members will be crushed like <em> ants </em> under my heel. Just think of what we did to those three pathetic members already.” Jose sneered, and Lucy’s heart felt like it was being crushed in iron. She imagined her friends in that position - Erza, Gray, Happy, <em> Natsu, </em>all crucified by Gajeel’s iron.</p><p>She felt sick, and her lungs burned, and she coughed and hacked, flecks of blood spattering against her shirt where she hung her head. She kept coughing, dry and burning, until finally, she heaved, and with a loud cough and wheeze she felt like her lungs were going to burst. Flowers spilled across the floor. She looked on in terror, watching the petals fall from her lips. Purple hyacinth petals and buds, the tips tinged red. There was no misinterpretation this time. The flowers were coming from her.</p><p>Jose Porla watched with a grim expression, his mouth pursing into a fine line. He knew what this was, what it meant for him. It meant, possibly, no payment from Jude Heartfilia, who specifically requested his daughter be returned <em> alive. </em></p><p>“You little…” Jose kneeled, tightly grasping her chin in his hands, “How long have you had it?”</p><p>“Had what?” She asked, clearly confused.</p><p>“You don’t know?!” He asked, seeing the honest look in her eyes. She genuinely didn’t know. “<em> Hanahaki Disease </em>! How long have you had it?!”</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about! I don’t have any disease!” she said. Jose stood and turned, yelling in frustration. Lucy stood, launching herself forward. This was her chance. She kicked him as hard as she possibly could right between his legs, and <em> ran </em>.</p><p>Her lungs burned, she couldn’t breathe, she hurt all over, but she’d felt him. During her coughing fit, the warmth in her hands burned just a little bit stronger, and she knew Natsu was there for her. She ran, only to find herself at the top of a clock tower. Jose recovered quickly, following after. Lucy grinned at him, confident.</p><p>She stood at the edge, a petal stuck to the corner of her mouth, and she jumped.</p><p>
  <em> I felt my hands burn. I have a home with Natsu. I’ll never go back to my father… I know Natsu will be there for me. He always is. </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>When everything finally settles down after the incident with Phantom Lord, Lucy visits her father. She leaves a note for the others, knowing they’d show up at her apartment eventually. <em> I’m going to see my father </em>, it reads. She knows where her home is, and it isn’t with him, but she needs to see him and get some closure.</p><p>When she finally confronts him, it’s like ripping off a bandage.</p><p>“You’re going to get married. I’ve already made all the arrangements. This marriage will ensure our future fortune,” her father inserts during his growing rant. Lucy’s heart and lungs burn at his words. “You will also have a baby boy to carry on our name. That is all, return to your room.”</p><p>“No.” She says, fists and airways tightening. “I didn’t come here to make amends. I just came to make things clear with you. Leaving without saying a word might as well have been running away… so this time, I’m going to tell you exactly how I feel! There’s nothing fortunate about having your future decided for you! Don’t you dare go on deciding who I’ll marry.”</p><p>“<em> Lucy </em>…” Her father says, voice low and warning. It almost sounded like a threat. But she wasn’t a child any more, there was nothing to smack from her hands this time. She’d defend herself, her home, her friends, her life.</p><p>“And one more thing!” She continues, a cough escaping her. “Don’t you dare lay a hand on Fairy Tail again! The second you do, you’ll be the enemy of me and everyone else in the guild!”</p><p>She takes the top of her dress and practically shreds it, leaving only the corset underneath. It takes all of her effort not to break out in a spasm of coughs right then and there, but she forces her way through it. She turns away from her father, making her way to the doorway. She raises her guild mark, her symbol of trust, belief, and acceptance, and shows it to him as her back is turned.</p><p>“I’m not Lucky Lucy of the Heartfilias any more. Fairy Tail is my family, and to them, I’m just Lucy… they’re a far more loving family than you ever were.” The second the words are out, she shuts the door behind her. She leans against the wall, coughing and hacking. This time, she feels sick and she heaves and gags as heavy, fuzzy edelweiss petals make their way to the floor from her throat, and it terrifies her to look at.</p><p>She decides it’s time to know what these are and where they’re coming from.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>She couldn’t find a single book anywhere on ‘Hanahaki Disease,’ as the leader of Phantom Lord had called it. Maybe that wasn’t it at all, but he seemed to think she had it, whatever it was. But in the end, she had no time to think about it, because one after another, events kept on going on around her before she had time to settle down and ask anybody about it. She saved Loke - or Leo, rather - and they’d gone to the Tower of Heaven for Erza.</p><p>Watching Natsu being sick in her bed after eating the Etherion was one of the hardest things she’d had to watch until that point. She felt like her heart was being poked by thorns, her lungs had vines in them, and the petals were an everyday occurrence. She’d largely gotten used to them, managing to hide her coughing fits aside from the one at Natsu’s house so long ago - but watching him sick in bed, nearly dead, made them come back in full force.</p><p>Then the battle of Fairy Tail, Laxus turning against the guild, and she’s seen so much time go by the flowers seem like an afterthought. Of course, one day, they’re no longer an afterthought. One day, when Natsu says or does something so kind and sweet, she runs to the bathroom in the Guild and begs to everything to make the pain stop. This time, when she coughs up honeysuckle buds, they’re covered in blood.</p><p>Suddenly, they’re very, very real.</p><p>She’s scared in a way she can’t fully express. As if this time, out of everything she’d been through, no matter how close she got to death during her time with Fairy Tail, somehow this made her more afraid than she’d ever been.</p><p>The first thing she does is go to Master Makarov. He’s the Guild Master, surely he knows about all sorts of things. He’d know what was wrong with her.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Master Makarov?” she asked with a smile, hoping it wasn’t too obvious that something was wrong. Their Guild Master was sitting at the bar, drinking with a grin as he watched his guild members enjoying themselves. He peered his head up at Lucy.</p><p>“Lucy! What can I do for you?” He asks, raising his glass to her. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and put her hands behind her back, hoping that now was the time to lay on the charm and have it work.</p><p>“Welllll…” She starts, leaning over, “I had a question for you! I was wondering if we could talk somewhere else though. Privately?”</p><p>“Privately?” He quirks an eyebrow, but doesn’t push. “Sure, the S-Class area is empty right now. We can talk there.”</p><p>“Perfect, thanks Master!” she smiled widely, and Makarov only laughed. He led her up the stairs to where the S-Class requests were posted, the small lounge indeed empty like he’d said. He practically flopped into a chair, drink still firmly in hand.</p><p>“So! What did you want to ask me?” He wondered, offering her a chair. Lucy took it gratefully, and wondered how to begin.</p><p>“Do you remember… when I was taken by Phantom Lord?” she asked, her voice quiet now. Her demeanor changed too, and once Makarov caught this, his grin disappeared and he nodded. “Jose said something to me then, and I’m not sure what it was.”</p><p>Makarov looked patient, his eyes never leaving hers for a second, a silent reassurance of solidarity. He was there for her. All of Fairy Tail was. She didn’t have to be afraid. But this… whatever it was, it ate at her, and her nerves still stung. She rubbed circles over her guild mark, feeling its warmth, reassured.</p><p>Her hands never stopped being warm, and she supposed it was a blessing.</p><p>“He asked me how long I’d had something called… Hanahaki Disease? And as much as I looked for information, I never figured out what it was. I thought maybe you’d know.” She admitted, and Makarov’s hands clenched into a fist.</p><p>“Yes. I know of Hanahaki Disease. It was made from a very old, very angry Mage many years ago. He was so bitter and so angry that he made Hanahaki as he died, though there’s very rarely any cases nowadays.” He explained. “Are you sick, Lucy? There’s only a limited few choices one can take with Hanahaki Disease, so I have to ask… are you sick? Do you cough up petals?”</p><p>“... Yes.” Lucy admitted, after a moment of silence. “I do.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry, my dear.” Makarov placed his hand gently, sympathetically over hers, and it felt nothing like the warmth Natsu had given her. It felt heavy with sorrow, years of age and battle marring the skin. “Hanahaki Disease is marked by the presence of flowers in the lungs, and if you indeed have them, then I’m afraid… I’m afraid it’s fatal outside of three very specific circumstances.”</p><p>Lucy felt like her mouth had turned to ash.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Flowers mentioned in this chapter:</p><p>Purple hyacinth: Sorrow, please forgive me<br/>Edelweiss: Devotion, courage<br/>Honeysuckle: devoted affection, bonds made by love</p><p>Reviews and comments appreciated!! Let me know what you think so far!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Choices</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em> Hanahaki Disease</em>, as Makarov had explained to her that day, <em> is a magic-borne sickness that affects Mages. It clings to Ethernano particles, and infects the lungs of those suffering from unrequited love. The infected Ethernano particles act as seeds and form in the lungs, but can eventually spread to the stomach and heart, in some cases. Once the particles register the emotions of somebody suffering from unrequited love, they begin to activate. Flowers, made of magic and based upon the carriers emotions, begin to sprout. The carrier begins to feel sick at this time, often coughing up petals or leaves. </em></p>
<p>
  <em> If left untreated, Hanahaki is always fatal, eventually leading to the body’s decomposition from the inside out. In the final stages, the carrier begins to cough or vomit entire bloomed flowers, signalling the end. Once the carrier is deceased, flowers begin to bloom from the eyes and mouth, and eventually the ribcage cracks open and the garden inside is revealed. The Mage who created only gave three specific cure conditions for those that suffered from Hanahaki… </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<ul>
<li><em>The one that the carrier is in love with returns their feelings, at which time the carrier has one final cough, expelling all of the infected Ethernano in their body with a shower of petals.<br/><br/></em></li>
<li><em>The carrier’s feelings fade before it gets to the final stages, leading to the withering of the flowers and disappearance of the symptoms. However, the infected Ethernano particles remain, and a recurrence of Hanahaki is possible.</em></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>A specific spell is performed to remove Hanahaki from the body. This spell, however, comes at the cost of all memories of the carrier’s love being removed permanently. There is no known way to return memories lost through this spell, and all memory loss is total - looking at who they once loved will be like meeting a complete stranger for the very first time.</li>
</ul>
<p> </p>
<p>Lucy felt even more sick than before she knew what Hanahaki Disease was. It fed on love - unrequited love - and killed people because of it. Whatever Mage had created it, she cursed him, and hated the fact that such a thing existed. She’d already begun coughing up buds instead of petals, so she was in the later stages of Hanahaki already. She felt winded and exhausted all the time, barely got any sleep because it was so hard to breathe, and worst of all, she knew <em> exactly </em> when the disease had started.</p>
<p>It started the moment he took her hand.</p>
<p>Lucy knew he didn’t feel the same warmth in his hands. How could he? Sure, Natsu loved her, he loved everyone in Fairy Tail, but that was the problem. Natsu loved, but she was <em> in love</em>. She knew, the second she was told of her options, that her feelings leaving wasn’t going to happen. Natsu was her home. She felt safe, strong, and part of a family here with him, and with Fairy Tail. Fairy Tail was everything to her. She couldn’t get rid of her memories, either.</p>
<p>Her hands shook as she stared down at them that night, and she knew exactly what was going to happen, because she couldn’t bear to get rid of the one good thing in her life - Fairy Tail.</p>
<p>Lucy Heartfilia had decided that night that she would die.</p>
<p>As the days passed, as the petals got worse, she felt the warmth in her hands and she knew it would be okay in the end. She was fine with it being this way. Dying for love, for his sake, was better than never remembering him at all. She’d made Makarov promise - swear to her - that he wouldn’t tell anybody. He’d asked who it was she was in love with, and she gave no answer, but figured it probably wasn’t that hard to deduce.</p>
<p>The only one who never saw it was Natsu, of course. He wouldn’t. He wasn’t that kind of person, but that was part of him that she loved. His absolute idiocy at times was almost endearing, and it made it much easier for her to deal with, to hide, to keep.</p>
<p>Before she even realized it, the flowers became a comfort. It was so much easier to keep them, they were part of her, proof of her love and home. She pressed the bloodied petals between the pages of her novels, in envelopes and other careful places. Nowhere anybody but her could find, to stare at them and be reminded that she felt at home.</p>
<p>She’d gladly die if it meant she kept her memories, her time with Fairy Tail. Without Natsu in her memories, her time at Fairy Tail would crumble. She wouldn’t feel the same sense of belonging. She couldn’t stand to lose the warmth in her hands.</p>
<p>Lucy was okay with this. <em> It’s for him, </em> she’d tell herself, poised carefully over the sink so as not to make a mess when she coughed. There was so much more blood these days. <em> It’s for Fairy Tail. For my family. For my home. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>“Luce! Hey, Lucy!” A banging on the apartment door. Lucy groaned and rolled over in bed. She hadn’t gotten any sleep, plagued by an all-night coughing fit. It had spread to her stomach. She felt herself getting sick throughout the night, coughing and spewing up petals and buds and leaves.</p>
<p>“Luuuuucyyyyy!” Happy’s voice this time. She came out of her groggy state, realizing she still had a mess and that they were going to <em> see, know, find out </em>unless she did something. She wouldn’t be a burden to him, even as she was dying.</p>
<p>“C-Coming!” She coughed as quietly as possible, petals flying from her mouth. She couldn’t help it. Even the lightest coughs seemed to dislodge them these days. She could barely breathe, and with their crowding into her stomach, she couldn’t eat, either.</p>
<p>She took the bucket full of flowers and blood and bile by her bed and poured it down the tub. Nowhere else to put it, really, she just had to hope he wasn’t here to use her restroom. She changed her clothes and made herself as presentable as possible before she opened her door.</p>
<p>If he <em> had </em> noticed anything wrong, he didn’t say, and she was grateful for it - but it really seemed like he was clueless as ever.</p>
<p>“Hey, Natsu! How are you?” She asked, voice hoarse. He still didn’t see anything wrong, even with the red tinging the corners of her mouth or the sunken, pale features of her face. She was so grateful for his obliviousness at times like these.</p>
<p>“Heh, me n’ Happy here are doing great! We were gonna take a request! Wanna join?” He grinned, holding up a sheet of paper taken from the board in the Guild hall. She didn’t even need to look at it before she smiled.</p>
<p>“Of course! I’m always ready for missions with you guys.” she said softly, and he beamed, ear to ear. She felt her heart get tighter, the vines and growths tugging and pulling. It ached and pained in a way she’d never felt before.</p>
<p><em>Oh, </em> she thought, <em> this is what love is like. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Oracion Seis was hell. It tore more out of her than she thought she could stand, and her lungs felt like they’d been set on fire the entire time. When they finally found their way home, Lucy knew that it was almost her time.</p>
<p>She wanted - <em> needed </em> - to tell somebody. Have preparations made for her body. She was going to ask to be buried somewhere quiet and peaceful, in a forest maybe, and make her body into a garden. <em> Wouldn’t that be romantic</em>?</p>
<p>She finally decided on Erza. She was like a big sister, a fellow member of Team Natsu who really cared for her. Lucy knew Erza would fulfill her wishes. It would be tough to admit, that she was dying for love, but she hoped Erza would understand. She had to.</p>
<p>“Good evening, Lucy!” a knock on her apartment door. Lucy opened the door and invited her friend inside. “I’m glad we’re getting the chance to talk, I’ve been worried about you lately.”</p>
<p>“Ah,” Lucy’s lips pursed. She’d been slipping lately. Last night she’d coughed up her first full flower - a bright orange Marigold. She only had a day left. It reminded her of Natsu. Everything did. “Yes, I invited you to talk about that. I hope you don’t mind.”</p>
<p>“Of course not,” the redheaded woman put her hand on Lucy’s shoulder gently. Erza’s hands were warm, but not in the same way as Natsu’s. Hers were warm with sisterly affection, devotion, pride and inner strength. Erza’s hands reminded her of pillars, strong and unwavering. “I’m your friend, I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”</p>
<p>Erza herself was a pillar.</p>
<p>“Well, let me offer you some tea.” Lucy offered, her voice weak. It hurt to talk. It hurt to breathe, shallow and wheezing, but it was fine. It always was if it was for him.</p>
<p>“Please, thank you.” Erza sat down, leaning against the table as Lucy handed her a warm cup, with one for herself as she took the opposite side. Lucy stared into the cup of tea, unsure how to start. How do you tell somebody that you love someone to death? She supposed it was like confronting her father many months ago. Ripping off a bandage.</p>
<p>“Erza, I’m going to be honest with you.” Lucy took a sip, eyebrows furrowed. Erza’s face didn’t waver, waiting patiently for her friend. “I’m sick. I’m going to die.”</p>
<p>“I…” Erza seemed shocked, her face aghast at how seriously Lucy said that. “We need to get you to a healer, then! We’ll inform Master Makarov, and we’ll have you taken care of immediately! None of my friends will suffer if I can help it, Lucy.”</p>
<p>“Master Makarov already knows.” she felt tired, so tired. She was ready to sleep. “It’s a rare magic-borne illness that only affects Mages. It’s called <em> Hanahaki Disease </em>.”</p>
<p>Erza went still. Her fists clenched. Lucy looked up, wondering what she’d said to make her face seem so angry now.</p>
<p>“Even so, Lucy, there must be something we can do. You can’t die. You’re still so young, and everybody would be heartbroken if you left. We’ll figure something out, we always do.” Erza insisted. Lucy shook her head.</p>
<p>“I can’t. Master Makarov informed me of the cure, and I… I refuse to accept it. It would cost too much.” She murmured. Erza’s fists began to shake.</p>
<p>“Money? You’d throw your life away because you think we wouldn’t help you afford a cure?” She said, voice trembling. Lucy’s eyes went wide and she realized how she must have sounded. That wasn’t it at all.</p>
<p>“N-No!” She protested, “Not that sort of cost! My disease, it… It’s because of love. When you have an unrequited love, if you have these infected Ethernano particles, they form flowers in your lungs and heart and stomach, and kill you from the inside.”</p>
<p>Erza looked like she was barely suppressing her anger, though Lucy knew it wasn’t at her. She was angry at herself, probably, for letting Lucy get sick, not noticing sooner, anything - and that made Lucy’s lungs burn in a different sort of way.</p>
<p>“There is a cure, a spell that can remove the infected Ethernano, but it… removes the memories of the one you love. Everything about them. They’d become a complete stranger to you, and that thought hurts me worse than dying, Erza, I… I can’t forget…” she choked up. Tears formed in her eyes and her hands shook. She was so tired, so close to being done with this disease.</p>
<p>“Surely there’s something else! That can’t be the only cure!” She urged, standing. Lucy began to shake, her whole body wracked with an intense, choking cough. She heaved and turned to the side, and from her mouth spewed blood and flowers. Marigold buds and petals fell out, before finally, with the final heave, up came two full flowers. She couldn’t stand it. “Oh, Lucy…”</p>
<p>Erza ran to her side, supporting Lucy as she wiped the blood from her mouth. The look in Lucy’s eyes was indescribable.</p>
<p>“There’s… Two other options.” She coughed, dislodging a stray few petals. “One is to have the feelings fade before the final stages, and the flowers will wither. But I’m… already in the final stages. It can’t… it can’t be helped. The other is impossible… if the person’s feelings are returned, they’ll be cured, but I… I could never…”</p>
<p>“Who?” Erza asked softly. “Who is it that you’re in love with, Lucy? Tell them, give yourself a fighting chance, anything you can do…”</p>
<p>Lucy almost didn’t want to admit it. It felt so personal now.</p>
<p>“Natsu.” she whispered. “I love Natsu. But you know how he is… He loves everyone. He’s so blindingly happy that we all can’t help but love him back, but my hands feel so warm… Like he’s there for me, even when he isn’t. I won’t… I won’t burden him. But I can’t give up my memories…! It’s so selfish! He’s everything I have! He’s the only reason I was able to come to Fairy Tail in the first place! Without him, I… I think I’d have been dead so much longer ago…!”</p>
<p>Lucy sobbed as Erza only held her friend. She didn’t know what to say, but in her mind, Erza knew what to do. What had to be done.</p>
<p>“How much longer do you have?” Erza barely managed to get out.</p>
<p>“Tomorrow… I can feel it coming. I’ll… I’ll be gone tomorrow.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Getting close to the end now! Hope you guys don't mind the shorter fic and are enjoying it. Will there be a happy ending?? Hmm, we'll see...</p>
<p>Flower mentioned in this chapter:<br/>Marigold, meaning "pain and grief." (Though she's resigned herself to her fate, Lucy truly doesn't wish to die, at least subconsciously. Therefore, the flowers present as Marigolds this time.)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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